Beau

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 03:38:17 GMT

YELLOW

You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

You scored as Heman. By the power of GraySkull. . . you're the toughest guy to ever wear a loin cloth. Rock on Heman.

</td>

Heman

100%

Thundercats

67%

Strawberry Shortcake

67%

Voltron

33%

Shera

33%

Smurf

17%

Transformers

Which 1980's Cartoon Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Take the quiz: "How emo are you?"

Holy Shit Your Emo
Holy shit you actually are emo! Congratulations on not being a poser.

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 07:49:23 GMT

Your New Accessories

Cut me to pieces.
Throw the meat to the hounds.
Use my bones as kindling-
To lighten your frown.

Turn my flesh into leather.
Wear me as a Jacket.
Carry me everywhere with you-
And never forget.

With my teeth make a necklace-
Of Ivory and Pearl.
My heart as the locket-
To conceal us from the world.

My liver as headphones-
To block all the screams.
The evil we said-
Wont be as bad as it seams.

Lop me to morsels.
Hear my soundless cries.
Now take one last look into my soul-
As you gouge out my eyes.

Beau Schell

I dunno what to say about my new poem... I creep myself out some times... and did it again... guh... some one say something... please...

On another note...I just watched "Eternal Sunrise and a Spotless Mind" and I feel enlightened somehow... Great movie!

I can feel it in my lungs....

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 05:30:09 GMT

King Size Light

This cigarette is almost burnt out.
I lit it for you,
but like us, the light grows dimmer-
as each ash falls to the ground.

Wasting more and more time-
But not willing to put it out,
Just let it run down-
Smoke still raising in circles round and round.

A ticking time bomb-
until the end.
But all evil and poisons consealed-
and each puff brings me closer to my last breathe.

Our cigarette is almost out.
Should I kill it? Or will it be our death?

Beau Schell

I have no excuse or reason for this poem... it just kinda came out in one angry sad emo burst and I'm kinda content with it...... tell me what you think...

Ode to a lost friend...

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 06:28:49 GMT

I can't even write a poem about this right now... all I have is random thoughts...

R.I.P Anthony Gordon, for you diserve to rest immortalised in the stars... Man I'll never forget you and our political disscusions in school... and the time you came to your first party... at my house!... and put up with Eric drunk on the bathroom... man if I could have been in that car in stead of you... I would have taken your place... Your are the best person I've known in my life... always willing to put a smile on some ones face... I don't remember one time you put yourself above others... you were a great guy man... and the world is a worst place without you...

I dunno whatelse to say here...
Except I will never Forget you man... You'll live in everyones hearts and memories forever...

October 30th 2004, reality became a sad and aweful fate...

my imaginary reality...

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 05:21:55 GMT

I feel its time for another poem/rant...

Soundless Existance

Another prolonged goodbye-
And say you had meaning until it all fades away.
Nothing will change-
Motionless you will remain and just another name on a list of many.

The memories slowly turn to nothing-
Like repeats on a television screen depleting to white noise and static.
And all you can do is watch as time flies by but life stands still.

On and off you find yourself coming in and out of consciousness-
Lying on the floor in a room only lit by your television set-
Trying to grasp that last bit of hope that life isn’t just another repeat,
And we don’t all turn to static in the end.

We eventually all decay…

Beau Schell

tell me your thoughts... tell me if I'm messed up... I dunno tell me something...

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 04:21:31 GMT

I'm never happy with anything... if its good its wrong for me... if its bad its wrong for me.... I mean I'm just so hard to please... plus the fact that I realised this year I've had a few groups of people I dabbled through out and now I have nothing to show for it because I don't even talk to many of them anymore and what makes me even sadder is that its happening again where the group I've been hanging out with doesn't talk anymore.... I dunno what to do...

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 02:31:47 GMT

I wrote a song a couple of days ago... just perfected the lyrics... its a country style emo song... I wish I could but an audio file on here to show what it sounds like but you'll all have to deal with just the lyrics... it was subconciouse writing so its not something that I'm part of right now... just came to me and I wrote about it... enjoy

Broken Smile

Can he see the pain behind her smile?
She hasn’t been happy in a while.
She misses the emotion he used to show.
Now making love makes her feel so low, low, low.

And a tear still runs down her cheek
Like it’s the first time,
Every time.
But he overlooks the way she cries.
And if it were up to me,
I’d make it so he would see-
Each Sparkle that comes from her eyes.

She wants to leave but he’s her whole world.
She knows each night that there has been another different girl.
With her head under her pillow she muffles out her cries.
Tell herself everything will be all right.

And she thinks back to when it was-
Their first time,
Prom night.
The way he comforted her when she cried.
And if it were up to me,
I’d make it so life would be,
The way she remembers from those times.

She wants him to see her-
The way that she sees him.
But he’s to blind to see-
The love she has with in.

Can he see the pain behind her smile?
She hasn’t smiled in a while.

Beau Schell

In to the Void

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 04:49:22 GMT

Reflections of emotion in the Dark

Lacking of any visible reflection-
but I can still feel it.
Its encompassing presents is there-
Its just the matter of retaining it-
and bringing the emotion to the light.

Its over perplexed-
In this void of darkness.
Running around in a room of mirrors-
Without a reflection to call its own;
Lost and trying to find the light at the exit-
And wanting to be found.

Its a void in itself-
Hidden away;
Hidden from the one goodness that wishes its existence.
But both lay on opposite sides of a threshold,
At the brink of existence.
To be whole the exit must be found.

Beau Schell

Ok I was feeling abstract poetic and rather metaphoric tonight... I'm lost in my own confusion of recent events that I myself need to find the exit to be whole... anyways.... everyone!...Please comment on this piece I need input...
Ciao

Oh the cleverness of me...

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 00:56:06 GMT

Well what can I say... Life is finally looking good for me... I've been awaiting this for a long time and its finally come... I finally got a job and am i the prospects for another... both ver good jobs... the current one is at the Manitoba Squash Club and the other if I get it(crosses fingers)will be at Tip Top Tailors... This means I will soon be able to buy the Honda Civic off of my rentals:)... also... I had told myself that I wasn't going to get involved with anyone for a while because my mind set was that it wouldn't be good for me emotionally... but last little I was thinking alot more than I normally do and I realised that me liking a special someone and persuing it wont hurt me because she feels the same way towards me... that was actually the turning point in my life recently... I found out the girl I like, likes me back:)well what ban I say.... except I'm super happy and hope that life stays along this track for a will...

Waiting in the sidelines...

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 07:45:34 GMT

Recently I've desided to put myself out on the injured list when it comes to the game of relationships... I've done it before and it gave me something to look forward to in a relationship (after not having one for 7 months)... I do it for the hope that my way of going about this game will change by the time I pick myslef up off the bench and start playing again... I never chose the right girl and when I do... I either fuck it up some how (leaving to live somewhere else) or I procrastinate because I'm worried about corrupting them in some little way or another... I've never been the type to have a fling with a firl... eben though its happened many times before... its never something that makes me feel like a bigger man or anymore loved... I dunno the only person who would understand this, I left again... the story of my life...

Sappiness!

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 05:52:32 GMT

OK the other day I found myself listening to the radio... one thing I don't often do... and I came across a song... a song so inspiring that I had to write this lj and learn the song on the guitar... Its a country song and being an emo kid country and emo run hand in hand, in my point of view... the song describes everything that a man could find beautiful about a woman that no one else would ever see but him... the song touched making me think that if everybody in the world were to look at people this way there would be alot more happy relationship and happy people... anyways I'm a hopeless romantic and an emo kid and this is probably all sappy drivle to most people... The songs called "You Can't Hide Beautiful"

You Can't Hide Beautiful
by Aaron Lines

She says don't stare at me
She's afraid that I might see
Those five extra pounds she talks about
Man, I don't know what she's talking about
She looks through magazines
With every page she dreams
Of looking like somebody else
I wish she wasn't so hard on herself
Then she falls asleep with just my T-shirt on
Even when her hair's messed up and her makeup's gone

Chorus:
You can't hide beautiful
You can't hide wonderful
There's nothing that she has to do
It just comes natural
She makes it look easy
I love what she does to me
No way to disguise
The way that she shines
You can't hide beautiful
Oh no...

She can take a simple dress
Put it on and turn some heads
Man, every time she moves she gets me
She doesn't even know she's sexy
And the way she think sometimes
Out of nowhere blows my mind
She makes me laugh and makes me dream
I love the way she looks at things
A little piece of heaven God gave to this world
She might think she's just an ordinary girl

Chorus

You can't hide beautiful
Oh no...

She makes it look easy
I love what she does to me
No way to disguise
The way that she shines
You can't hide beautiful
Oh no...

You can't hide beautiful
She's so beautiful...

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 23:41:58 GMT

I did I have to do?

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 06:59:21 GMT

I left Ottawa about four days ago now... it was a place I wanted to experience one last time before I moved on with my life... but going there made me realise... its not me anymore... it wasn't the people because I still love them all to death and would bring them with me wherever I go in life... it was the lifestyle... it grew old over the last year and returning to it seamed like I was going back to old habits that I didn't want to surface again...

the saddest thing was leaving Kaits behind... I've always had feelings for her but when I was down there we spend almost everyday together and that helped them perpetuate... But I never knew how she felt... she would talk to me for hours on end and we would laugh and I felt a closeness towards her than I had ever felt towards anyone I've know or met... and still not even sense one ounce of what I was feeling from her... when I was leaving we hugged and she left saying "you do realise I will cry the entire way to work" and she claims she did and I believe her... but the sad thing is I feel more important to her now that I'm gone than when I was with her in Ottawa... I dunno I'm rambling about things I don't know and now have no control over...

I'm listening to the song she listen to By Matchbook Romance as she drove to work when I left... and thats what caused this feeling of the being more important to her when I'm no longer around... I'm going to bed to contemplate what I'm doing to myself...

Random Hurt Feelings

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 09:59:45 GMT

"These millions of tears drops are for everything you are... whatever we were... and the man I'm left to be..."

"They say that everything dies alone... so let me die alone because this is the most alone that anyone can fathum..."

"As much as I hate relationships... I love the feeling you have in them..."

"Can anyone fathum what a wall has seen in its existance... if walls could talk..."

"I love getting myself high to the point that I'm numb... but the numbing feeling that I get brings me to a low that I can't forget..."

"If man hadn't met man... what would life be?..."

"Do I exist to be hurt or does hurt exist only for me?..."

I just wish she would tell me... god damn I'm in so much pain...I will talk about it tmm either way... so just ask and I'll explain...

Interesting! who'd have thought?

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 07:18:00 GMT

You are a Dubliner.

What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla

I could have guessed this... stupid tests

isn't that super

Wed, 21 Jul 2004 03:42:23 GMT

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	100

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Funny

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 02:37:34 GMT

It's funnny how she loves me and wants me and is my friend but also hates me too:)

Nostalgic thoughts of a Great friend...

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 07:08:15 GMT

Late Tonight I found myself talking to an old friend from Ottawa.... and It really got me thinking about why I am now and how much I've grown in the last year... Kaits was a really good friend of mine and is more than ever today and it will grow with me where ever I go and what ever I do... We always get into conversations out of the blue but no matter how long its been since we last talked its like we've never left eachother... She once said we were kindred-spirits and I completely agree with her... I understand everything she tells me and she with me... its like we're one mind working in two bodies... we get into how we're feeling a philosophies about why it is we feel that way and we both come out feeling content in the end with what we've come to together and then we hang up and I sit back and think to myself for hours about everything and I write... its like she inspires my writing... even if its not about love or girls... she gives me that feeling that makes me want to get everything out and then share it with her the next time we talk...

I dunno I'm rambling alot right now because I dunno how to put everything for people who aren't Kaits to understand... she would understand everything I just wrote and I dunno... just miss old times right now and I'm glad we talked tonight... I dunno why I'm in teers but I am... so I should go...

Just a poem...

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 05:30:14 GMT

I'm actually rather happy and don't view all people this way but my mind wonders at times and I found a poem in nit-picing the greed of all people... well here it is... enjoy

Life of Greed

Tripped, fell; broken and torn.
The longing to help, has given no more.

Your scrapes and bumps, bring anguish and red,
Red that allows anger to swell in your head.

Perpetuate this hate- to a new found high.
No one helps you to you're feet, you're left where you lay.

As people walk by you, all shadowed and black,
You extend your hand for help and they push it right back.

And all this because- You did not give heed,
The reality is, life is made up of greed.

Beau Schell

New Camera

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 04:19:52 GMT

I just recently bought a Digital camera... I wasn't pleased with my other one but this one rules... me and kim hung out the day I desided to play with it... we talked about our problems then went and layed in the park for a bit and took pictures... it was a super good time... and Kim made me cookies that day too.... soooooooo gooooood:)

Kim throught the grass

Kim looking up to the sky... I love this one so much... it looks awesome...

our emo feet... how cool is that?

And Kim looking very pretty I must say...

Well I'm waiting for a friend to come online because I'm looking forward to talking to her again... so I'll bid you g'day

Ciao
Beau

My attempt at a short story

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 05:31:54 GMT

Ok I promised a short story so here it is. I just recently finished it.

I was listening to "Lady in Red" when I first started writing it and again I'm doing the same. It kind of influenced a part of it but I changed it around.

Comment and tear it apart all you can.

The aroma of coffee filled the air as we stepped through the threshold. A smell that we both knew from times before. We visited that little cafe on Clockworth street so often that it had become a part of us, part of our daily routine. Wake up in the morning, shower and get clothed, and meet Hanna outside and then together we would sit in the same corner table and talk for hours on end until one of us decided that it was time to part ways for work.

The waitress' would come up to our table knowing Hanna would order something different each time she came in and knew that I would order that same thing as the previous day.

"One Espresso Con Pana, Single, Long, Please." It almost rolls off of your tongue from saying it so much.

There was always an awkward silence between us at first, like we both wanted to say something but were both to content with the moment to ruin it with pointless small talk. But alas one of us would break it and neither of us could resist answering back.

"Whats on your mind James? You seem quieter than normal today." She stirred her coffee and stared into it as if it were so captivating and had put her in a trance.

I let out a sigh and unintentionally mimicked her stirring motion "I didn't get much sleep lastnight."

Hanna could read me like a book. Really, she knew what was troubling me, it was a sort of game to her. She would ask a simple question, knowing I would spill everything on my mind and then she would pick it all up and piece it together so both her and I would come out feeling enlightened by the conclusion she came to.

"Did you Dream about that woman again? The pretty one in the black dress." She stopped stirring her coffee and looked up at me to confirm that her allegations were true.

Of course she was. This woman haunted my dreams as if she were an angel, or a figment of my wildest dreams. She was so beautiful. Her hair was blond and fell around her soft rosy cheeks and almost touched her shoulders. Her lips screamed kiss me with the taste of fruity lip gloss. And her cute round nose, perfectly centered right below her beautiful Grayish Blue eyes. Eyes so captivating that you would find yourself lost in them for hours. Her body was so perfectly curved that a man could run his hands down her sides and when he felt her hips, he could swear he felt the waves of the ocean. Her aura said 'You know you want me.' without her even saying a word.

I Looked up at her as if ready to burst. "Of course I did. You know I did, Hanna. I just can't get her off of my mind. She's just so... wow!" I felt as if I had snapped at her but I didn't feel the need to apologies. "She's appeared in every dream I've had for the last month and it's not that I'm complaining. I just... I wish it were real."

"What was the dream this time? Were you watching your tv and she appeared next to you?" She seamed interested but a little bored in hearing the same story from me day by day.

"No, it was different."

Normally in my dreams she would appear half way through. I could almost predict where I could find her and it always turned into a romantic setting. We could be dancing alone in a ballroom with only the candle light from the tables surrounding us for company or we could be holding each other underneath the stars and sharing the most passionate kiss. But is was different this time.

"I fell asleep and as soon as I started to dream she was there. It felt so real. Like every touch, every movement, actually happened, like I was living my dream. She wore the same black dress and the same fruity lip gloss but her presence was so real that I had to pinch myself to wake myself up a couple of times. But as soon as I fell back to sleep there she was again."

"Well James, I don't know what to tell you this time. I think I've told you everything I can think of." She sipped the last drop of her coffee and stared at me with a gentle smile. "I have to go now but it was nice seeing you again. Same time tomorrow?"

"Of course." I stared at her as she walked to the door. "Hey Hanna, Why do you always refer to her as the woman in the black dress? She does exist you know and she has a name."

She halted as soon as she got to the door but didn't bother turning around. "I know, but all the time you spend dreaming about her seams to be more than you've ever seen her, which makes it all just seem like a dream to me." She opened the door and disappeared into the streets like she did so often before.

I sat there alone in the corner for about an hour after she left and thought about the dream some more. Then I happily left the Cafe, knowing I would go home tonight and once again dream of this woman in the black dress, hoping that I would see her again soon.

Beau Schell

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 05:42:25 GMT

K I was going to post a short story I wrote tonight on my journal... but it seams as I wont be finishing it quite yet... I seam to have lost my train of thought and am it is need of some revision but I will post it when its finished... I promise:) but now I must go sleep because its my convication in the morning at 8 am. which means I need to sleep...

HELP ME!!!!!

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 07:38:23 GMT

Normally I'm all about being impulsive and living life day by day not knowing whats to come next... but it hit me today walking out of Mr.Houssins class I have no plan for myself... I mean I spoke of ideas that I wanted to do with my life but how do I know in five years thats what I want to be doing... I don't want to leave myself upset with my choices... and there is so much pressure on me to make up my mind and chose a career path... but I don't even know what tomorrow has to bring for me... like if I plan tomorrow and things go wrong I leave myself in one big upset... Imagine what could happen if I plan my life and things go wrong... I guess I have to roll with the punches... and see what happens... They say; the hard decisions you make as a kid, will determine the man your going to be. I feel in the last stages of turning into a man... I feel I've lost all guidance from what I've learned and am in a big cloudy storm not knowing when I'll come out and where... will I even survive? (not suicidal) just what happens if I crash and end up in a place I don't want to be with not ticket home... (sorry about the analogy) I don't want to be stranded in life... anyways... my brain is on over load from thinking about this...

Another late night

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 07:02:33 GMT

The last few nights have been a blast I got to spend them with wicked people who in the end killed me for the short film we're making for nicks film class at U of W... its been wicked I've got to drive Nicks Mustang (I like to think I'm a good driver, but I'm really not) and I got painted with blood and got to act (another thing I'm not good at).

but in then end I'm absolutely exhausted. I'm working off of about 12 hours of sleep from friday; and tonight staying up to finish my Western Civ project that should have been done a while back isn't helping much. but I'm not complaining because my time spent is spent well filming seeing and awesome people. I'm having a great time and am looking forward to saturday at Marshal place because my band is playing (Suburban Sidecar). Hope to see some familiar faces around.

Its Here!!!!

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 23:31:10 GMT

ITS HERE ITS HERE, IT FINALLY CAME!!! The poster I ordered is here:) I'm so happy.... Now to give it to its rightful owner:)

Which Sin Are You?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
You are...	Sloth

This QuickKwiz by chibigarm - Taken 150556 Times. </a>

which one of your LJ friends loves you
LJ Username
enough to be friends	awed_by_beauty
hates you to death	awed_by_beauty
has a crush	coastward_kid
loves you SO much	awed_by_beauty
dreams of haveing sex with you	awed_by_beauty
wants to marry you	bohemian__storm

This quiz by someone_lover - Taken 16116 Times. </a>