Beau's Journal

YELLOW

You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

You scored as Heman. By the power of GraySkull. . . you're the toughest guy to ever wear a loin cloth. Rock on Heman.

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Heman

100%

Thundercats

67%

Strawberry Shortcake

67%

Voltron

33%

Shera

33%

Smurf

17%

Transformers

Which 1980's Cartoon Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Take the quiz: "How emo are you?"

Holy Shit Your Emo
Holy shit you actually are emo! Congratulations on not being a poser.

Your New Accessories

Cut me to pieces.
Throw the meat to the hounds.
Use my bones as kindling-
To lighten your frown.

Turn my flesh into leather.
Wear me as a Jacket.
Carry me everywhere with you-
And never forget.

With my teeth make a necklace-
Of Ivory and Pearl.
My heart as the locket-
To conceal us from the world.

My liver as headphones-
To block all the screams.
The evil we said-
Wont be as bad as it seams.

Lop me to morsels.
Hear my soundless cries.
Now take one last look into my soul-
As you gouge out my eyes.

Beau Schell

I dunno what to say about my new poem... I creep myself out some times... and did it again... guh... some one say something... please...

On another note...I just watched "Eternal Sunrise and a Spotless Mind" and I feel enlightened somehow... Great movie!

King Size Light

This cigarette is almost burnt out.
I lit it for you,
but like us, the light grows dimmer-
as each ash falls to the ground.

Wasting more and more time-
But not willing to put it out,
Just let it run down-
Smoke still raising in circles round and round.

A ticking time bomb-
until the end.
But all evil and poisons consealed-
and each puff brings me closer to my last breathe.

Our cigarette is almost out.
Should I kill it? Or will it be our death?

Beau Schell

I have no excuse or reason for this poem... it just kinda came out in one angry sad emo burst and I'm kinda content with it...... tell me what you think...

I can't even write a poem about this right now... all I have is random thoughts...

R.I.P Anthony Gordon, for you diserve to rest immortalised in the stars... Man I'll never forget you and our political disscusions in school... and the time you came to your first party... at my house!... and put up with Eric drunk on the bathroom... man if I could have been in that car in stead of you... I would have taken your place... Your are the best person I've known in my life... always willing to put a smile on some ones face... I don't remember one time you put yourself above others... you were a great guy man... and the world is a worst place without you...

I dunno whatelse to say here...
Except I will never Forget you man... You'll live in everyones hearts and memories forever...

October 30th 2004, reality became a sad and aweful fate...

I feel its time for another poem/rant...

Soundless Existance

Another prolonged goodbye-
And say you had meaning until it all fades away.
Nothing will change-
Motionless you will remain and just another name on a list of many.

The memories slowly turn to nothing-
Like repeats on a television screen depleting to white noise and static.
And all you can do is watch as time flies by but life stands still.

On and off you find yourself coming in and out of consciousness-
Lying on the floor in a room only lit by your television set-
Trying to grasp that last bit of hope that life isn’t just another repeat,
And we don’t all turn to static in the end.

We eventually all decay…

Beau Schell

tell me your thoughts... tell me if I'm messed up... I dunno tell me something...

I'm never happy with anything... if its good its wrong for me... if its bad its wrong for me.... I mean I'm just so hard to please... plus the fact that I realised this year I've had a few groups of people I dabbled through out and now I have nothing to show for it because I don't even talk to many of them anymore and what makes me even sadder is that its happening again where the group I've been hanging out with doesn't talk anymore.... I dunno what to do...

I wrote a song a couple of days ago... just perfected the lyrics... its a country style emo song... I wish I could but an audio file on here to show what it sounds like but you'll all have to deal with just the lyrics... it was subconciouse writing so its not something that I'm part of right now... just came to me and I wrote about it... enjoy

Broken Smile

Can he see the pain behind her smile?
She hasn’t been happy in a while.
She misses the emotion he used to show.
Now making love makes her feel so low, low, low.

And a tear still runs down her cheek
Like it’s the first time,
Every time.
But he overlooks the way she cries.
And if it were up to me,
I’d make it so he would see-
Each Sparkle that comes from her eyes.

She wants to leave but he’s her whole world.
She knows each night that there has been another different girl.
With her head under her pillow she muffles out her cries.
Tell herself everything will be all right.

And she thinks back to when it was-
Their first time,
Prom night.
The way he comforted her when she cried.
And if it were up to me,
I’d make it so life would be,
The way she remembers from those times.

She wants him to see her-
The way that she sees him.
But he’s to blind to see-
The love she has with in.

Can he see the pain behind her smile?
She hasn’t smiled in a while.

Beau Schell

Reflections of emotion in the Dark

Lacking of any visible reflection-
but I can still feel it.
Its encompassing presents is there-
Its just the matter of retaining it-
and bringing the emotion to the light.

Its over perplexed-
In this void of darkness.
Running around in a room of mirrors-
Without a reflection to call its own;
Lost and trying to find the light at the exit-
And wanting to be found.

Its a void in itself-
Hidden away;
Hidden from the one goodness that wishes its existence.
But both lay on opposite sides of a threshold,
At the brink of existence.
To be whole the exit must be found.

Beau Schell

Ok I was feeling abstract poetic and rather metaphoric tonight... I'm lost in my own confusion of recent events that I myself need to find the exit to be whole... anyways.... everyone!...Please comment on this piece I need input...
Ciao

Well what can I say... Life is finally looking good for me... I've been awaiting this for a long time and its finally come... I finally got a job and am i the prospects for another... both ver good jobs... the current one is at the Manitoba Squash Club and the other if I get it(crosses fingers)will be at Tip Top Tailors... This means I will soon be able to buy the Honda Civic off of my rentals:)... also... I had told myself that I wasn't going to get involved with anyone for a while because my mind set was that it wouldn't be good for me emotionally... but last little I was thinking alot more than I normally do and I realised that me liking a special someone and persuing it wont hurt me because she feels the same way towards me... that was actually the turning point in my life recently... I found out the girl I like, likes me back:)well what ban I say.... except I'm super happy and hope that life stays along this track for a will...

Recently I've desided to put myself out on the injured list when it comes to the game of relationships... I've done it before and it gave me something to look forward to in a relationship (after not having one for 7 months)... I do it for the hope that my way of going about this game will change by the time I pick myslef up off the bench and start playing again... I never chose the right girl and when I do... I either fuck it up some how (leaving to live somewhere else) or I procrastinate because I'm worried about corrupting them in some little way or another... I've never been the type to have a fling with a firl... eben though its happened many times before... its never something that makes me feel like a bigger man or anymore loved... I dunno the only person who would understand this, I left again... the story of my life...

OK the other day I found myself listening to the radio... one thing I don't often do... and I came across a song... a song so inspiring that I had to write this lj and learn the song on the guitar... Its a country song and being an emo kid country and emo run hand in hand, in my point of view... the song describes everything that a man could find beautiful about a woman that no one else would ever see but him... the song touched making me think that if everybody in the world were to look at people this way there would be alot more happy relationship and happy people... anyways I'm a hopeless romantic and an emo kid and this is probably all sappy drivle to most people... The songs called "You Can't Hide Beautiful"

You Can't Hide Beautiful
by Aaron Lines

She says don't stare at me
She's afraid that I might see
Those five extra pounds she talks about
Man, I don't know what she's talking about
She looks through magazines
With every page she dreams
Of looking like somebody else
I wish she wasn't so hard on herself
Then she falls asleep with just my T-shirt on
Even when her hair's messed up and her makeup's gone

Chorus:
You can't hide beautiful
You can't hide wonderful
There's nothing that she has to do
It just comes natural
She makes it look easy
I love what she does to me
No way to disguise
The way that she shines
You can't hide beautiful
Oh no...

She can take a simple dress
Put it on and turn some heads
Man, every time she moves she gets me
She doesn't even know she's sexy
And the way she think sometimes
Out of nowhere blows my mind
She makes me laugh and makes me dream
I love the way she looks at things
A little piece of heaven God gave to this world
She might think she's just an ordinary girl

Chorus

You can't hide beautiful
Oh no...

She makes it look easy
I love what she does to me
No way to disguise
The way that she shines
You can't hide beautiful
Oh no...

You can't hide beautiful
She's so beautiful...

I left Ottawa about four days ago now... it was a place I wanted to experience one last time before I moved on with my life... but going there made me realise... its not me anymore... it wasn't the people because I still love them all to death and would bring them with me wherever I go in life... it was the lifestyle... it grew old over the last year and returning to it seamed like I was going back to old habits that I didn't want to surface again...

the saddest thing was leaving Kaits behind... I've always had feelings for her but when I was down there we spend almost everyday together and that helped them perpetuate... But I never knew how she felt... she would talk to me for hours on end and we would laugh and I felt a closeness towards her than I had ever felt towards anyone I've know or met... and still not even sense one ounce of what I was feeling from her... when I was leaving we hugged and she left saying "you do realise I will cry the entire way to work" and she claims she did and I believe her... but the sad thing is I feel more important to her now that I'm gone than when I was with her in Ottawa... I dunno I'm rambling about things I don't know and now have no control over...

I'm listening to the song she listen to By Matchbook Romance as she drove to work when I left... and thats what caused this feeling of the being more important to her when I'm no longer around... I'm going to bed to contemplate what I'm doing to myself...

"These millions of tears drops are for everything you are... whatever we were... and the man I'm left to be..."

"They say that everything dies alone... so let me die alone because this is the most alone that anyone can fathum..."

"As much as I hate relationships... I love the feeling you have in them..."

"Can anyone fathum what a wall has seen in its existance... if walls could talk..."

"I love getting myself high to the point that I'm numb... but the numbing feeling that I get brings me to a low that I can't forget..."

"If man hadn't met man... what would life be?..."

"Do I exist to be hurt or does hurt exist only for me?..."

I just wish she would tell me... god damn I'm in so much pain...I will talk about it tmm either way... so just ask and I'll explain...

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
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Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	100

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Late Tonight I found myself talking to an old friend from Ottawa.... and It really got me thinking about why I am now and how much I've grown in the last year... Kaits was a really good friend of mine and is more than ever today and it will grow with me where ever I go and what ever I do... We always get into conversations out of the blue but no matter how long its been since we last talked its like we've never left eachother... She once said we were kindred-spirits and I completely agree with her... I understand everything she tells me and she with me... its like we're one mind working in two bodies... we get into how we're feeling a philosophies about why it is we feel that way and we both come out feeling content in the end with what we've come to together and then we hang up and I sit back and think to myself for hours about everything and I write... its like she inspires my writing... even if its not about love or girls... she gives me that feeling that makes me want to get everything out and then share it with her the next time we talk...

I dunno I'm rambling alot right now because I dunno how to put everything for people who aren't Kaits to understand... she would understand everything I just wrote and I dunno... just miss old times right now and I'm glad we talked tonight... I dunno why I'm in teers but I am... so I should go...

I'm actually rather happy and don't view all people this way but my mind wonders at times and I found a poem in nit-picing the greed of all people... well here it is... enjoy

Life of Greed

Tripped, fell; broken and torn.
The longing to help, has given no more.

Your scrapes and bumps, bring anguish and red,
Red that allows anger to swell in your head.

Perpetuate this hate- to a new found high.
No one helps you to you're feet, you're left where you lay.

As people walk by you, all shadowed and black,
You extend your hand for help and they push it right back.

And all this because- You did not give heed,
The reality is, life is made up of greed.

Beau Schell

I just recently bought a Digital camera... I wasn't pleased with my other one but this one rules... me and kim hung out the day I desided to play with it... we talked about our problems then went and layed in the park for a bit and took pictures... it was a super good time... and Kim made me cookies that day too.... soooooooo gooooood:)

Kim throught the grass

Kim looking up to the sky... I love this one so much... it looks awesome...

our emo feet... how cool is that?

And Kim looking very pretty I must say...

Well I'm waiting for a friend to come online because I'm looking forward to talking to her again... so I'll bid you g'day

Ciao
Beau

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